Welcome, recently-deceased soul! My name’s Cordelia, but you can call me Cordy if you like.
It’s probably not a surprise to you — unless it is, in which case surprise! — but you’re dead. You’ve shuffled off this mortal coil, but you haven’t gone on to join the choir invisible for one reason or another. You’ve stayed here in the place in between one world and the next, unable to move on.
There’s a whole host of reasons for that. Many of us have regrets in life, a burden so heavy that they simply can’t move on without resolving it. Others don’t want to leave someone dear to them behind. Then there are those who still haven’t come to terms with their own death. Their lives came to a screeching halt well before their time, and they can’t accept that.
If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard “there must be some mistake”, I’d have a nice little pile of cash that I can’t actually use.
I won’t lie; it’s not all love stories and unfinished business. Plenty of us met some distinctly…unpleasant ends. I should know.
All of us, no matter how we got here, are united in a singular purpose. We’ve decided that as long as we’re here, we might as well do something with our time. That’s why I’m offering you the opportunity to join a very special group: the Haunter’s Society.
We of the Haunter’s Society have a simple mission: to both fascinate and frighten the living. I mean, what makes an old house, castle, tavern, hospital, or what-have-you more exciting than the idea that it might be haunted, right?
Most of the time the resident ghosts take care of everything, but sometimes a place that’s rumored to be haunted really isn’t. Might be that the spirits haunting it have since crossed over, or it never actually was in the first place. Like say, someone’s sister’s boyfriend’s third cousin Sal told them that the amusement park was haunted by the victims of a tragic Ferris wheel accident. Before you know it, everyone believes the place is haunted when it’s really not.
In either case we’ll move in and give the ghost hunters what they want. Strange sounds, cold spots, electrical disturbances, the works. It’s always a good idea to appear as an orb or a shadow in a photo or speak through a spirit box while you’re at it.
You know, that way they don’t feel like they wasted their money on a glorified radio.
A friend of mine’s been the conductor of a ghost train that only appears on full moon nights for the past eighty years. As the story goes, once passengers board the train they can never get off again. Sooner or later they’re reduced to nothing but wailing ghosts, their shrieking audible long before the train pulls into a station.
I ride along as one of the ‘doomed passengers’ with him. Let me know if you’d like to come along next time. When we’re not screaming our nonexistent lungs out we just hang out and enjoy the scenery between stops, get to know each other better, and share ideas for future haunts.
The way I see it, we’re keeping a little bit of mystery in the world. People have been debating for years whether or not ghosts exist, and our activities keep them guessing. Was that scream a long-dead woman, or just an animal somewhere outside? Did you really see a shadowy man sitting in one of the box seats at the theatre or not? Is your old house really haunted or is it really ‘just settling’?
That, and scaring the hell out of the living’s a lot of fun.
Trust me, you’ll learn to love it! For right now though, let’s get you settled in. There’s time enough to decide whether haunting’s for you or not.
If you’re anything like the rest of us, you’ll be here a while.
20% off of subs until 9/30!